who are your mirrors?
It’s been a bit of a whirlwind the past three weeks as God has been ramping up aspects of my coaching business, particularly on the branding side. I love the work, but about a week ago I began to feel a little disconnected with my TRUE self.
As I pondered this, I realized that between my own busy-ness and that of a few friends I hold closest, I hadn’t been having enough one-on-one time with the healthy “mirrors” in my life.
Without the natural flow of conversation with a trusted friend about everyday thoughts, feelings and experiences, I was missing the benefit of questions, feedback, or perspective other than my own. This led me to feeling a little unsure of myself in certain areas, stuck in a loop of internal worries that nagged at me.
In the past, I would have distracted myself from these feelings with yet more work, but these days I’m not willing to go life alone, so I doggedly pursued my friends and will continue to do so whenever our rhythm needs a restart. Which, let’s face it, is often.
“Children can’t know who they are without reflective mirrors,” writes John Bradshaw in his classic book Healing the Shame That Binds You. The “mirrors” he’s referring to are people, and it’s not just children who need them. “Mirroring remains important during our entire lives,” concludes Bradshaw.
For the believing Christian, Jesus is our ultimate mirror, but we can’t discount God’s design for us to also gather data about who we are and who we are becoming from within the context of healthy community.
The “people” mirrors in our lives can include:
Parents
Siblings
Children
Spouse/Significant Other
Other Relatives
Friends
Co-Workers
Bosses/Clients
Church/Small Groups
Strangers
The Media
Our audience…
Unfortunately, not all of these mirrors are healthy, and without intentionality, we will fall victim to looking for our reflection in places that may trigger further disconnection and even fragmentation within ourselves.
Healthy mirrors are those which reflect what is TRUE about you, from a posture of love. We all need them, and we’re also all called to be them for others.
If you are feeling a little unsure about yourself, or simply recognize the need for more wisdom and feedback, ask God to help you increase the time you spend with the healthy mirrors in your life. And if you don’t feel like you have any right now, ask him to help you begin establishing some new relationships.
It may take a little stretching, but it’s worth it.
For TRUTH…
- Constance
