how to say “no” without guilt
Yesterday I canceled a standing meeting with someone I truly enjoy because I was, um, tired. I also recently said “no” to a recurring commitment at my church, because I want to protect what has been a soul-refreshing season of margin.
In both cases, I felt a pang of guilt, but because I chose to be TRUE, I can rest with a clear conscience.
When I canceled on my friend, I didn’t make up a story. I just laid out my reality and trusted her to be mature enough to understand. (She was.)
And when I said no to the church thing, I did the same, proactively sharing my heart and reasons rather than simply not showing up.
People are often hurt less by our “no” than by the unanswered questions that arise when we don’t communicate what led us to that decision.
Questions like:
Is she tired of me?
Did they get a better offer?
Am I not a priority?
Have I done something wrong?
Because of our propensity as humans to assume the worst, when we offer even the lamest reason - so long as it’s TRUE - we are making an investment into the well-being of everyone involved.
Our honest “why” removes the weight of guilt, neutralizes negative assumptions, and strengthens connection.
It also gives others permission to be TRUE with us, which is a gift that keeps on giving. Because it’s our honesty about the little things that will build the trust we need to remain united when bigger things come.
For TRUTH…
- Constance
